addiction
Cockroaches scampered up the bed and scurried across my Greenwich Village apartment floor. A tarantula writhed atop my dresser. I knew I was hallucinating. The empty liter of Bacardi rum glared at me next to barren packets of cocaine. I had hit bottom in my addiction.
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Austin Eubanks survived the Columbine shooting but almost lost everything after his addiction took him to the brink. “I could literally get whatever I wanted. Telling them I’d been shot at Columbine and lost my best friend was like [getting] an open prescription book from any doctor.”
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I have had meltdowns because of too much noise, or too many people talking at the same time. I don’t like parties, crowds, or the demands of the holidays. I don’t like Christmas or New Year’s or any other holiday – except for maybe Halloween.
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When I quit drugs and drinking, I found out I had chronic persistent hepatitis C. I’d contracted it in 1978 when I was 17. As the years went by, my chances increased for developing cirrhosis, liver cancer, or liver failure. I might even need a liver transplant. I’d heard about interferon and its brutal side effects, including suicidal depression. I had HCV (hepatitis C virus) because I’d been so depressed as a teen, I shot drugs and shared needles in hopes I’d croak.
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There is nothing more diabolical than the voice of addiction hijacking thoughts, rationalizing atrocious behavior.
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‘How to Murder Your Life’ by Cat Marnell is what every addict memoir should be: adventure-packed, shocking, darkly humorous, and gut-wrenching—the only thing missing is sobriety. You’re likely to read it in one fast sitting. It’s a fascinating, yet disturbing, tale about Adderall addiction.
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Answers for non-addicts about addiction to drugs and alcohol. For 15 years I was a heavy drug and alcohol user. After trying to quit repeatedly—and failing miserably—I finally asked for help in 1988. My recovery began with spending 31 days in a rehab, then decades of therapy, plus 28 years of surrounding myself with sober addicts who “get it.” Am I cured? No. But I’m grateful for the daily reprieve.
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Jon Hamm talked about his 30-day stay in an alcohol treatment facility. “There’s something to be said for pulling yourself out of the grind for a period of time and concentrating on recalibrating the system. And it works. It’s great.”
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Bauer said about using coke, “I was carelessly casual about it. It was as natural as the ingestion of liquor. But it hurt me in more than a few ways. I behaved irresponsibly when I should have been professional.”
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These evil little things have haunted me most of my life, ever since that first sweet drag of nicotine when I was 14 I’ve had an on-off love affair with the cancer sticks. Quitting is something that I’ve done intermittently
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