Featured ARTICLES and PERSONAL ESSAYS

• He Had AIDS and I Had Hepatitis C: A Love Story – Marie Claire
• Defriending My Rapist, The New York Times
• 9 Lives for a Weeble, New York Press, AWARD
• After Surviving Rape, I Had an Abortion at Age 14, Woman’s Day
• I Might Not Be Alive Today If It Weren’t for Obamacare, Woman’s Day

SEE ALSO: dorriolds.com/writing/

JOURNALISM

• How AI Changed My Life – TIME magazine
• What Do Those Pesky Cookie Preferences Really Mean, WIRED
• Mass Shooting Survivor Austin Eubanks Talks About Life After Columbine, UPDATE

BOOKS

My short stories and essays are published in 9 Book Anthologies

• City of New York’s Victimology Course Textbook
• My autobiographical short stories and artworks are published in eight book anthologies. I am also included in a ninth book: CUNY (City of New York) textbook for their Victimology course at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. My New York Times essay, “Defriending my Rapist,” was published in print and online and immediately went viral. That’s when my personal essay was added to the required reading lists. I was featured all over the web and in print. I became a sought after speaker for top universities, professional conferences. And I am a proud member of RAINN‘s Speaker Bureau.
• Essentials of Victimology, textbook for City of New York’s Victimology courses
• At Grandmother’s Table
• Power of the Positive
• Easy As A, B, C
• Creative People: What Makes Them Tick
• The Ultimate Christmas Oy, Come All Ye Faithful
• Chocolate Lover’s Soul – Skinny Dotty and Her Chocolates 
• Tea Lover’s Soul – Compassion and a Cannoli
• Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul

The post Featured Writing Samples appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

Enclave Reading series on Saturday night was standing room only. Held at Alan Cumming’s Club Cumming in Manhattan’s East Village, the joint was full of hot bodies and talent. As I looked around, it gave me a feeling “down there.” Okay, so I just shamelessly lifted that phrase from Joan Jett, which fits the Enclave’s theme—FRAYED IN NEW YORK—with a focus on the 70s, 80s and 90s. It’s a time I remember oh so well.

The Enclave Opener

“I was so fucking depressed last night,” emcee Brooks said, referring to another hell week with the GOP’s spoiled toddler. Not The Orange Swamp Thing, the other entitled white baby in a suit, Brett Kavanaugh, the sobbing, blubbering, self-pitying Supreme Court nominee.

Brooks got huge laughs with a funny bit about the Unabomber, and talked about the night before the Enclave reading.

“Friday night…I decided to drown my tears and indulge myself in a twink…the magic of an iPhone app is this guy shows up, 22, cute as fuck, and, you know, huge. He had a reckless quality which I find attractive in a twink.”

Unfortunately, the young hottie ruined the action in the middle of it by calling out, Daddy!

“Being called Daddy during sex,” said Brooks, “is the gay equivalent of finding a fly in your soup at a fancy restaurant. You go from, this is gonna be good, right? — to what the fuck?”

I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my seltzer.

Frayed in New York

Jeremiah Moss, the man behind the award-winning blog and book, VANISHING NEW YORK read about what’s gone. It was apt for me. As I’d ambled past Tompkins Square Park on the way to the club, the recurring stab of sadness got me in the gut. My native Manhattan looks nothing like it did and often feels like an empty town filled with ghosts

In the 80s, whenever I was hit with an emergency need for drugs at 3am, it was that park that beckoned, luring me toward Alphabet City. It was a suicide mission back then. Being an ex-junkie, though, it’s not surprising that my wasted ideas always made perfect sense. The coils of my head kick off a Pavlov’s dog-inspired rush of endorphins that leaves me drooling at memories from years of debauchery.

Moss at the Mic

Moss at the mic lamented his arrival to what he refers to as the end of New York City: 1993. He was 22 then. Moss read, “I was Harold and New York, my Maude.” He openly admits his bias and lack of objectivity in his signature prose. Self-deprecating words inspired laughs from the audience but the biggest howl came when he quoted reviewers: “The New York Times called me a curmudgeon with a penchant for apocalyptic bombast” and “The Daily News dubbed me a fetishist for filth.”

Lara IS Sharp

DO THE HUSTLE is Lara B. Sharp’s memoir-in progress. It’s about being raised in New York City’s foster care system and her exploits as a crustie and grifter. She chose a chapter that is set in 1984 and appropriately titled Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves. “A crustie,” Sharp explained, “is a homeless runaway, living on the streets of downtown Manhattan.”

Sharp as a Whipped Crustie

The author opens by telling the audience a little background info.

“I was 14 years old and I ran away from foster care. I’m just kind of living in Washington Square Park because that was a done thing then…My mom was an alcoholic and a drug addict…but [she was] awesome because she taught me everything I needed to know. She taught me how to lie, cheat, and steal.”

In addition to writing, Sharp has performed in a number of theater productions, including Penny Arcade’s original production of the Sex and Censorship Show, BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! Sharp’s author reading was a performance piece because she’s charismatic and naturally theatrical.

She nailed the accents for the scene’s two characters. One voice is Sharp at age 14. The other is “Gay Cher.” He is her new kinda-sorta mentor who tells the young Sharp that he can easily make her look 18 if she steals beauty products from Duane Reade. The motivation behind wanting to look older, was practical. She wanted to find a job.

Sharp reads in Gay Cher’s midwestern accent: “I’m the most beautiful, half-Mexican faggot boy ever to escape Kansas. I looked like a fat old milk cow, but not no more. And, honey, I can fix you up. I mean, you’re a mess. But, I have talents. No offense but your white eyelashes are disgusting.”

Huge laughs from the crowd.

Then, narrating in her younger self’s voice: “He scratches his left arm making the needle sores bleed. He rubs the blood into his stone wash cut-offs…. He yanks my scrunchie and runs his dirty fingernails through my long blonde hair, pulling at the matted sections.”

I quit drinking, drugging and smoking, but I can’t get enough of Sharp’s writing. Saturday night’s performance proved that I’m addicted to her prose.

Barb Morrison

I chatted with Barb Morrison. Yes, THE Barb Morrison—recording artist, hit songwriter, platinum and gold records producer. Morrison has played with Blondie, The Runaways, Johnny Thunders and plenty more biggies. Morrison’s pronoun is they. They told me they grew up in the East Village and Chelsea after arriving here at 17. They came to the city after a childhood in Albany.

“Did you runaway?” I asked (spontaneously) because I had. At 15, I moved into the Hotel Earle on Waverly (now, Washington Square Hotel). It was only one block from the park I’d fallen in love with. I found it romantic that Joan Baez sang about Bob Dylan smiling out of the window of that crummy hotel over Washington Square.

“Yeah, I ran away many times,” Morrison said. They laughed. “I disappeared into the city. You’ll hear all about it when I read.”

Reading from a memoir-in-progress, Morrison talked about being a squatter and a musician on her way up and joining a band called The Loveless. “I tried out a few bands but none of them fit the way this gang of misfit rebels fit me…. I wanted to get in bar brawls with my guys and wake up the next morning not knowing which bruise was for what reason.”

The band had their first show at the underground Lismar Lounge. “You had to enter through one of those gates in the sidewalk that went down into a basement. Most of the bands on the Lower East Side couldn’t play worth shit and we actually had some good songs, so we instantly gained a following the night of our first gig. I remember pushing our amps up First Avenue after that show. Someone rode past in a cab and yelled “LUHHHHHVVVV LESSSSSSSSSS!” at us. We were too broke to take a cab but we felt like the most famous rockstars on the planet that night.”

Christopher Stoddard

Author Christopher Stoddard read from his new book (AT NIGHT ONLY). His words were about the universal feeling of yearning for an ex to come back and convincing yourself that just by wanting it, you can make it so. Max, his dog, is also an important character in the chapter.

“I’m wondering what he’s doing right now….He didn’t text from Montreal to let me know he landed safely—like he did when we were still in a relationship.” Then he describes pulling out his iPhone to contact his ex. The foreshadowing makes it clear that is always a bad, bad, bad idea. Stoddard’s voice is easy to listen to and, yes, his was one of the hot bodies I had referred to in my second sentence of this recap.

Pedro J. Rosado, Jr., actor, dancer and stage manager. He stage-managed Penny Arcade’s BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! at Performance Space New York. He can be seen in Joan Moossy’s MISS MOOSSY’S NEIGHBORHOOD MYSTERIES on YouTube singing “It’s Important to be Friendly.”

Despite a packed room, Alissa Brianna, the solo bartender for the evening, breezed through the night and looked calm and poised amidst the madness. She banged out those drinks—which I was told were fantastique!

Also in Attendance:

Elizabeth Wurtzel, celebrated author of  PROZAC NATION and BITCH: IN PRAISE OF DIFFICULT WOMEN
(the lyrics are awesome!)
He may be a middle-aged white heterosexual man/But he’s friendly/He’s not an ageist, sexist, racist, homophobic pig/He’s friendly.
Be like him/ Be friendly.

Lauren Pine, downtown debutante and horse lover, as in horse trainer and horseback rider, not to be confused with old slang for heroin. Glad we cleared that up. Pine, Morrison and Sharp are alumnae of the Don Hill’s Thursday night Squeezebox Parties and have known each other for 30 years.

Melody Jane, danced in Penny Arcade‘s 2018 BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! at Performance Space New York

Elizabeth Collins, writer and comedian (RAISED BY GAYS AND TURNED OUT OK!)

Clayre Saxon Morrison, British fashion stylist and photographer

Steve Zehentner, stage designer and sound designer who has collaborated with theater artist, writer and performer Penny Arcade for 30 years. One of their collaborations was the Lower East Side Biography Project. If you’ve never experienced it, I recommend clicking on that link.

Gavin Van Vlack, guitar, bass and vocals and member of the bands Canonized and Burn

Liza Béar, artist, photographer, writer, filmmaker

Albie Mitchell, well-known downtown photographer who documented the East Village for over 40 years, and worked for the Village Voice and for the original production of Penny Arcade’s BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! at PS122 and the Village Gate.

Jenny Gorman, practicing fine art and photography in New York City and the Hamptons for over 25 years.

Cid Scantlebury artist and musician. Cid was an original Bitch from the Don Hill’s ‘ladies metal’ night of that name, a Loser’s Lounge singer, and she sings at F*Bomb NYC shows several times a year.

Sean Harris, artist, whose works in paper collage and mixed media can be viewed on Instagram @seansheengram.

AUTHOR BIOS

JEREMIAH MOSS, creator of the award-winning blog Vanishing New York, is the pen name of Griffin Hansbury. His writing on the city has appeared in the New York Times, the New York Daily News, and online for The New Yorker and The Paris Review. As Hansbury, he is the author of THE NOSTALGIST a novel, and works as a psychoanalyst in private practice in New York City

LARA B. SHARP‘s writing has appeared in various print and online publications, including Longreads and Teen Vogue. A native New Yorker, she has also written for and performed in a number of national and international theatre productions and live storytelling events in New York City, London, and Philadelphia. She was an original member of Penny Arcade’s BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! in the early 90s and toured with Penny Arcade. Sharp earned her BA from Smith College, where she was an Ada Comstock fellow, and is working on a memoir about her childhood in the New York foster care system.

BARB MORRISON is a musician and producer who uses music as a platform of advocacy for the transgender community. A regular performer at The Ritz and CBGB’s, they were the saxophonist, guitarist and singer for the bands Gutterboy and Itchy Trigger Finger, which were signed to Mecury Records and toured with Lollapalooza in 1999. Barb has co-written and produced songs for artists such as Blondie, Rufus Wainwright, LP, and Franz Ferdinand. They also wrote the scores for films, including The Safety of Objects (2000), which starred Glenn Close. Their writing has appeared in various publications, such as the New York Times and The Good Men Project. Currently, they are at work on their memoir.

CHRISTOPHER STODDARD’s new novel At Night Only from Itna Press released this June, which has been praised by The Paris Review, Kirkus, Slate, Lambda Literary, and authors Edmund White and Gary Indiana. Featured in OUT Magazine’s “Tastemakers” issue in 2015 for his contributions to literature and publishing, he’s written two other novels: Limiters (Itna Press, 2014), and White, Christian (Spuyten Duyvil, 2010). He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

—

To learn more about The Enclave Reading Series, visit theenclavereadingseries.tumblr.com or follow on Facebook and Instagram.

For more info on events at Club Cumming, visit clubcummingnyc.com or follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

—

Dorri Olds is an award-winning freelance writer whose work has appeared in book anthologies, and publications including The New York Times, Marie Claire, Woman’s Day, Time Out New York, The Fix, The Forward, Yahoo, and Tablet. Visit her YouTube channel and see other works she’s done for Honeysuckle here.

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Love to write? Do you dream of leaving your office job for a full-time freelance writing career? Being a writer makes use of your creative side while keeping your mind sharp with challenges. There’s pride in making use of your problem-solving skills. Working for yourself can be the answer to hating a job riddled with office politics, gossip and cloying managers and there’s nothing worse than a helicopter boss hovering by your desk and just making you want to scream.

Don’t believe people who say it’s impossible to make a living as a freelance writer. Find freelance writers who support themselves. If they make enough money to pay their bills and add to their savings account, then why can’t you? The answer is you can.

A writer with a few steady “anchor clients,” can stop sweating over finances and get back to the enjoyment of writing.

As with any career, the joy can fizzle but that is always a choice left up to your expectations and attitude. Celebrity sports players can grow tired of the game. The passion they had at the beginning can be lost over time. That’s when they may feel trapped and resent their careers. We have all seen many stars who had it all but their lives spiral into depression anyway. Sports players, actors, musicians and yes, writers, can prevent burnout from happening by structuring their lives to say no to any gigs that are a bad fit for them.

Types of Writing Careers

Writing is a huge field with a wide variety of options. Sticking with the sports analogy, don’t choose baseball if you want to play tennis. According to Vin D’Eletto Jr. from his WordAgents Reviews, “the two most common types of writer that you might think of could be a novelist and a journalist.” But there is a variety of other job choices for writers that include ghostwriters, speech writers, scriptwriters, technical writers, freelance agency writers, and copywriters.”

The skills that you need for these jobs can vary wildly from sales and marketing experience to legal expertise to comedic talent. It is rare for one person to be skilled enough or capable of freelancing in all of these diverse areas of writing.

Freelance vs. Employed

Every working writer is faced with the choice of becoming freelance or employed. As an employee, you have the comfort and safety of a steady paycheck, employee benefits, and consistent work but you’re also limited by company guidelines and the preferences of an editor.

As a Freelancer You Can…

• Enjoy more freedom
• Pick and choose the work you want
• Take time off when you need a break.

But you don’t want to be forced to ‘kill what you eat,’ meaning work harder or starve.

How to Make a Freelance Writing Career Worthwhile

Despite the rewards, many people leave the writing industry. Why?

Here are the most common reasons:

• They chose roles that didn’t match their, skills, goals and personality
• They never learned how to write a strong pitch
• They did not meet deadlines
• They had not taken even one course to hone their writing skills.
• They were difficult to work with—argumentative, defensive, unprofessional
• They handed in work that was filled with spelling and grammatical errors
• They had no understanding of SEO and did not make use of keywords
• They didn’t follow instructions

Daydreaming about life as a freelance novelist is not the same as the realities you will face as a freelancer. Writing from your experiences and crafting a book that will inspire emotions in your readers is a worthy goal but a tough road. To make enough money to live on—and especially if you wish to start a family, settle down, and have leisure time. For a secure income, working as an employee is a much better bet than sitting at home writing a novel that may never sell.

To make a career in writing worthwhile, you must find a better way than just kicking a can down the road, while you imagine a romanticized version of a writer’s life. To grab the reigns and succeed with a money-making freelance career, you need to think critically about what you want and what your skills are. Then you can make an educated choice on the type of writing role that’s right for you. Google the types of freelance writing that provide ongoing gigs. Maybe you’ll choose to pursue content marketing, ghost writing, editing, ghost editing, journalism for industries that have an ongoing need for writers. Think: science, finance, health, parenting, tech, or any topic that interests you. The list is almost endless.

That is the how for finding the path to steady work that is fulfilling and helps you go about the business of finding joy in your life.

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• Carolyn Crist
Beginning Track Manager, and Detailed Overseer

• Nancy Dunham
Mid-Career Track Manager and Volunteer Coordinator. She’s also ASJA’s new volunteer coordinator.

• Dorri Olds
Advanced Career Manager and nicknamed the “Social Media Guru” for the entire event.

SAVE THE DATE! May 18–19, 2018
ASJA’s 47th Annual Writers Conference

Note: The 2018 conference will be held at a new venue this year: Sheraton New York Times Square Hotel, 811 7th Avenue at West 53rd Street, New York City. The conference Members Day is May 18 and the Open Day is May 19.
I am excited to be taking this work on! My dad always said, “If you want something done, give it to the busiest person and they’ll get it done.” ASJA is filled with hard-working freelance writers who are accustomed to nutty deadlines and being adept at multi-tasking. I’m honored to be part of this amazing team led by ASJA president Sherry Beck Paprocki.
I am thrilled — absolutely gleeful — that my proposal for the conference theme has been chosen! It is based on the three tracks: Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced levels.
The 2018 theme is:

Navigate, Motivate, Captivate

I will be serving as the Advanced Track chair. It is an honor to have been chosen. ASJA has helped me find success as a full-time freelance writer. I work in my home office with my beloved dog Buddy James at my feet. Thank you, ASJA! 

We Are Seeking Conference Panel Proposals • Deadline is Nov 10th

The NYC Conference’s theme for 2018 is Navigate, Motivate, Captivate. This year, we’re featuring three tracks for beginners, mid-career writers and advanced storytelling techniques.
We are currently soliciting proposals for panels and workshops that will inspire, motivate and empower journalists, nonfiction and literary nonfiction writers at all stages of their careers. Emphasis will be put on professional development as it relates to these three tracks of freelance writing, such as workshops on pitching, making new career moves, finding increased income, querying book agents, and publishing in all aspects such as books and magazines.
What We Are Looking For In a Session Proposal
We prefer workshops that focus on craft and those with a “how-to” aspect. We want single session leaders who are experts in their field and savvy in social media. We’re seeking panels that offer real service to our attendees. In particular, we’re looking for diversity in panelists — racial, ethnic and cultural backgrounds, sexual orientation, age, gender identity, marital and parental status.
If you’re interested in speaking, please complete this form.
Please note that we are unable to offer monetary compensation for travel or presenting. All participants must be available during the entire two days of the conference, May 18 and May 19, as scheduling will be at the discretion of the conference committee.
Deadline: November 10, 5:00 pm ET
 

Writers: If you are interested in joining ASJA…

Visit the Society’s website:
• About ASJA
• Who is Eligible to Join
• Member Benefits
And, if you do decide to join, please mention that you heard about ASJA from me! I’ll be much obliged.

Track Chair Bios

Carolyn Crist, a freelance journalist with stories that have appeared in AARP, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Atlanta Magazine, Anesthesiology News,  Reuters, Tales of the Cocktail, U.S. News & World Report and WIRED. She is also an adjunct journalism professor (of convergence journalism, photojournalism and travel writing) at the University of Georgia and co-owner of Pixel & Ink Studio in Athens, Georgia.
Nancy Dunham is a freelance writer whose clients include People magazine, AARP, Automotive News, USA Today, MoneyTalksNews/MSN, Woman’s World, A&E Real Crime blog and other national publications. Dunham was a newspaper reporter, magazine editor and publisher. She is also a founding board member of the Association of Healthcare Journalists and lives in Alexandria, Va.
Dorri Olds is an award-winning writer whose work has appeared in book anthologies, newspapers and magazines including The New York Times, Marie Claire, Woman’s Day and The Forward. Her social media following includes over a million views on YouTube. As a full-time freelancer she divides her time between writing personal essays, pop culture articles, service pieces, movie reviews and interviewing A-List celebrities. She is currently working on a book about misogyny and rape culture.
“ASJA is so fortunate to have these prolific writers agree to work together to make this upcoming conference one of the most relevant conferences available to freelance writers and authors in the industry,” says ASJA President Sherry Beck Paprocki. “As ASJA moves to a new conference venue next spring, the tri-chairs promise to deliver important content for all writers—whether they are just starting out in the profession or they have long-time writing experience. We are looking forward to the months of planning that will create a must-attend conference next spring.”
 
Here is one of my personal ASJA Success Stories:
ASJA is so worth the cost of membership. Every year that I attend the annual conference in New York City, I make back much more money than I spent. Last year, during speed pitches, I met the lovely Woman’s Day editor, Maria Carter. We hit it off immediately. She has published three of my personal essays and is a dream to work with. Thank you, ASJA!

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How to Accept a Compliment with Grace

Getting a compliment is good for you. Science has proven that people perform tasks better, have improved memory, and feel happy after being complimented.

What many of us don’t know is how to accept a compliment gracefully.

If you’re getting such a nice boost, why is it so hard?

A couple of frustrating reasons have come to light in psychological circles.

1. Your view of yourself doesn’t line up with the compliment. Put another way, you could lack the confidence to accept the compliment comfortably.
2. You totally agree with the compliment, but don’t want put the other person off by seeming TOO confident.

Every human being on earth has likely felt both of these ways, depending on the subject matter of the compliment. At any given moment I feel good about some aspects of myself, and shaky about others. But either way, the compliment can cause me to feel uncomfortable!

I want that to end.

Compliments have too much going to for them to cause angst.

To help me formulate a plan for accepting compliments graciously, I reached out to a number of women I look up to, and asked for the word-for-word scripts they use to make compliment acceptance a breeze.

How to Accept a Compliment

Go Minimal

By Dr. Jessica Vogelsang, Founder of PawCurious

The more I try to respond or fill the space, the more I end up sticking my foot in my mouth.

The Script: I make a very conscientious effort to look the person in the eye, give them a heartfelt “Thank you. I really appreciate that!” and then stop talking.

Return the Favor

By: Lavanya Sunkara, Travel Writer

It’s all about reciprocity for me.

The Script: When others give me compliments, I usually say, “Thanks,” and if I have something to compliment them about, I will try to do so.

Enjoy the High

By Kaia Roman, author of The Joy Plan

I used to have a hard time receiving a compliment, always minimizing or deflecting because I felt self-conscious and undeserving. But then I learned about the physical mechanisms behind both giving and receiving compliments and I changed my ways. Compliments release dopamine in the brain, for both the giver and the receiver. And dopamine feels like a pleasure rush that is highly enjoyable!

If I didn’t let myself truly receive the compliment, I’d be missing out on this drug-free high.

Likewise, if I minimized the compliment from the giver, I’d be taking away their joy by turning an appreciative exchange into an awkward one. So now, when someone gives me a compliment, I think about the benefit they are receiving from that act of kindness and I do my best to amp up the effect so they’ll do it again for someone else. The world needs as many compliments as we can give!

The Script: “Thank you, that made my day.” or “Thank you, that was so nice of you to notice.”

I smile and let the dopamine soak in for both of us.

Go for Seconds

By Dorri Olds, Freelance Writer and Journalist

I was the youngest of three girls and was born a ham. I love attention—thrive on it really. So I’ve never been one to shy away from any limelight I can grab.

The Script: When somebody gives me a compliment I grin ear-to-ear and say, “Thank you!” I figure that’s like positive reinforcement. If their compliment is met with an enthusiastic response, then they will be more likely to compliment me again, right?

Take a Pause

By Jessica Remitz, Managing Editor, PawCulture.com

I am working on taking a beat to curb my knee-jerk “aw shucks” reaction. A friend of mine told me that she’d almost stopped complimenting other women because we’re so quick to brush them off, almost to the point of embarrassment. so I think it’s important to acknowledge to the other person on how nice a compliment is to hear—because it truly is.

The Script: I have begun looking directly at my complimenter (in a not creepy or adversarial way) and saying, “Thank you for noticing my [item of clothing/well-behaved dog/completed work project]. I appreciate you saying something, and worked hard to [find said item/raise a polite dog/go above and beyond].”

Split the Difference

By Talia Argondezzi, Director, Writing and Speaking Program at Ursinus College

In the case where accepting a compliment feels very unnatural, and almost impossible to do, it can be rude and awkward to just deny the praise you were given. Instead, take a baby step and challenge yourself by trying to split the difference. For instance, you might  accept what was said, but then make a funny remark, or even self-deprecating one, but only on something you DO feel confident about.

The Script:

“I like your glasses.”

“Thank you. Like Rick Perry, I’m trying to wear my glasses more so people will think I’m smart.”

Keep It Simple

By Victoria Schade, Dog Trainer and Author

Since directly turning down a compliment can be a way of telling a person, “Nope, you’re wrong about that,” I try to accept it gracefully and then move on.

The Script: “Thank you, it’s my favorite scarf/blouse/shoes/whatever!” is an easy way to acknowledge the person’s compliment, or “That’s so kind of you to say,” or if someone compliments my writing I might respond with, “Thank you, that means a lot!”

Look Forward

By Aly Semigran, Writer and Editor

I had a recent experience with this with someone saying, “You deserve a good guy.” It was a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile and I caught them up with my most recent terrible dating experience and they told me, sincerely, “You deserve a good guy.”

The Script: I responded with, “Thank you. It’s taken me a long time to realize that.”

I didn’t bitch and moan “Oh there’s no good guys out there,” rather I acknowledged they saw something in me that’s taken me 32 years to accept. I think it’s rare to tell someone you agree with them about a positive side of yourself, but I think in this case, especially because so much time had passed, it caught us up on where I am now.

BONUS SECTION!

On Giving Compliments

By Cheyenne Gil, Body Positive Boudoir Photographer

When it comes to GIVING compliments (which I also think is a great step in your self love journey), give a compliment that you truly mean, and give it without putting yourself down in the process.

The Script: For instance, say you love someone’s hair. All you have to say is, “Wow, I love your hair! It’s beautiful,” NOT, “Wow, I love your hair! It’s so beautiful! My hair is so blah. I need to change it. But your hair is just so nice!”

Now that you know exactly what to say, check out:
How to Get a Compliment Tomorrow, The Level-Up Method

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DIRECTIONS

C train to Chambers, Transfer to 2 train (Flatbush Ave/Brooklyn College), Take 2 to Grand Army Plaza and walk .2 miles (hop, skip and a jump). Head northeast on Plaza St. East. Turn left onto Vanderbilt Ave. and VOILA! You’re there. Other options: Path Train, or L to Q train. Takes 35-ish minutes.

SPEAKERS

Leigh Stein

Leigh Stein is the author of The Fallback Plan, which made the “highbrow brilliant” quadrant of New York magazine’s “Approval Matrix,” and her poetry collection Dispatch from the Future was selected for Publishers Weekly‘s Best Summer Books of 2012 list, and the Rumpus Poetry Book Club. Land of Enchantment, her memoir about young love, obsession, abuse, and loss, was recently released by Plume, and was selected by Junior Library Guild as an adult book with teen appeal. She has also written for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Allure, Poets & Writers, BuzzFeed, The Cut, Salon, and Slate. For her advocacy work, Stein has been called a “leading feminist” by the Washington Post, and honored as a “woman of influence” by New York Business Journal.

Court Stroud

Court Stroud works in the digital space after spending many years in the television industry. Stroud holds undergraduate degrees from the University of Texas at Austin and an MBA from the Harvard Business School. His writing has appeared in the New York Post, Huffington Post, Out, The Advocate, Instinct, Gay City News, and many other publications. Stroud resides in NYC’s Chelsea neighborhood with comic Eddie Sarfaty and their two cats, Dash and Julia.

Dorri Olds

Dorri Olds is an award-winning freelance writer whose work has appeared in book anthologies, and publications including The New York Times, Marie Claire, Woman’s Day, Time Out New York, The Fix, The Forward, Yahoo, and Tablet. Olds is a long-term member of the American Society of Journalists & Authors (ASJA) and frequent speaker at writing and social media events including ASJA Annual Conference, National Publicity Summit, CUNY (City University of New York), Book Expo America, and a BinderCon attendee.

Andy Marino

Andy Marino is a Brooklyn native and professional musician. He’s played sax and sung background vocals in R&B, Blues, Rock & Big Bands in such venues as SOB’s, Damrosch Park @ Lincoln Center, Brooklyn’s Prospect Park Bandshell (Welcome Back to Brooklyn Festival), The Bitter End, The Limelight, Tramps, Manny’s Car Wash, the Waldorf Astoria Hotel, two Elvis Impersonators’ bands &, yes, a few wedding bands. Touched by life events from the tragic, premature deaths of his two younger brothers, George & Nick; his two beloved children, Dom & Gina, having to move to the west coast after the divorce from his first wife; to finding the love of his life, Dianne, at age 49; Andy finds songwriting to be healing, joyful & surprising. Sometimes, he wakes up in the middle of the night hearing the music for an entire song and runs to record it on his iPhone.

The post Sweet Reads presents Leigh Stein, Court Stroud, Dorri Olds and Andy Marino appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

• All Digitocracy
• AXS
• Brain, Child
• Honeysuckle
• Marie Claire
• Meat for Tea
• Sniff & Barkens
• Suburban Life
• Tablet
• Time Out New York
• The Establishment
• The Fix
• The Forward
• Woman’s Day

Not bad, eh? Let’s all raise the bar in 2017. I’m game. In other news, I stepped down from web design to keep writing full-time without having to lose sleep to keep up, I’ve been cured of Hepatitis C thanks to Obamacare, and deepened existing friendships while welcoming new ones. To stay positive in a year with a terrifying political landscape, I have begun a gratitude jar. I write something good that happened on a piece of paper on every single day and drop it into the jar. At the end of the year, I will be able to see 365 days with happiness in them — no matter what happens in the world at large.

And now, I must get back to work. I am adding the final touches to my 124th article for the The Fix, the largest addiction and recovery website. Thank you to my amazing writing mentor Susan Shapiro, American Society of Journalists & Authors, the amazing and supportive members in my weekly writing workshop, my wonderful editors and clients, and all of the amazing women in my private Facebook writing groups.

Here’s to a year of “YES”!

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Facebook suggested I friend him. I guess our social networks overlapped. I guided the mouse toward his photo, and the little pointed hand hovered over his face. Fear and anger swelled up but curiosity won out and I clicked “Add Friend.” He accepted within minutes. Stunned, I wondered if he had forgotten raping me, or if he thought I had.

At 13, I was a lonely upper-middle-class Jewish nerd living on Long Island, in search of a tougher persona. He was part of an edgy crowd that hung out in a parking lot behind the school, sprawling over the cement steps like bored cats on a sofa. It was 1973, and the boys wore black leather jackets, smoked Marlboros and stashed pints of Tango and Thunderbird in their back pockets. One afternoon, making sure my long brown hair covered the blemish on my cheek, I went over and said, “Hi.”

That was really all it took. A few offered nods. One of the girls asked if I wanted to come out with them that night to the cemetery.

“Isn’t that spooky?” I whispered.

She laughed. Her voice had a ring of confidence mine never did, so I went, wearing — against Mom’s orders — a shimmery, low-cut shirt. As dusk fell we ambled past the wrought-iron gates, onto the lawn. The guys set down brown bags with bottles. I reached for the pint of Bacardi. Sweet rum burned my throat. With my eyes closed I was Keith Richards chugging onstage at Madison Square Garden.

“Wow, you can really drink,” he said.

I nodded with fake nonchalance, as if this were my forte instead of my first time. Two other girls wandered off with their boyfriends to make out, leaving me standing alone, feeling like a loser. I grinned in relief when one of the boys waved “c’mere,” as if to confide something. But then the boy grabbed me, clamped his hand over my mouth and threw me on the ground, shoving a knee into my hipbone. At first I thought it was a joke. Then four other guys surrounded me. I realized this had been planned.

With the other boys holding me down, he slammed on top of me.

“Is that how you like it?” he said. His breath stank of cigarettes and beer.

Another boy said, “She may have an ugly face, man, but she has a really nice body.”

I’m not sure which was sadder, that I believed my face was ugly or that I was flattered he liked my body. I tried to scream, but it came out muffled. They laughed. I gagged. They took turns. Then it was over. I pulled myself up, retrieved my pink Hanes and almost fell over getting my foot through the leg hole. I leaned against a tree for balance and tugged up my jeans, and then I started screaming.

One of them said: “Oh, man, this chick is nuts. Let’s go.” And they did.

With a child’s logic, I figured the boys thought I wasn’t a virgin because of my sexy shirt. Too ashamed to confide in my parents or older sisters, I tried to tell a teacher after class one day. I stood by her desk shifting my weight from one foot to the other. But I was afraid of being shunned at school if I reported it, so all I said was “See you tomorrow.”

From those early teen years until my mid-20s, I let boyfriends come and go like subway cars, certain that they would trick and humiliate me. If they liked me too much it scared me away. Loneliness plagued me. When I saw happy couples I wondered, How do they do that? I drank heavily, hoping to forget what had happened. But I couldn’t forget.

Thirty-eight years later, I browsed through the Facebook friends of the boy who was the first to rape me, noticing names I remembered from high school. In his recent photos were snapshots of a boy with his nose and a pretty teenage girl with long silky hair parted in the middle. He gripped a beer while his belly drooped over his jeans. I found some older photos of his wedding, him with a pretty young bride.

The first time I talked about the rape I was 26 and in a therapist’s office. “I can help you,” she said, but it wasn’t a quick fix. I was in my 40s when I met Steve. He had a troubled past too, so we fit. When I buried my face in his hair, the smell, the closeness, made me feel safe. It still does.

Now I clicked back to my rapist’s wall for a link to his wife’s profile and sent her a friend request. I decided that my revenge would be to blow up his marriage. I planned what I’d tell her if she confirmed my request. A montage of memories flooded my head until I felt so queasy I had to lie down.

But when I looked at my computer again, I saw she’d written on my wall. She posted a sideways smiley face and complimented the photos of my dog. How could I tell her? She’d done nothing to me. My rage belonged to her husband.

So I went back to his profile page and typed a private message: “I hope that night has haunted you. I was naïve and a virgin. I see you have a teenage daughter now. Better keep her safe from guys like you.”

I wanted to hate him and hurt him but realized that the only way to be free was to let it all go. When I defriended him I felt strong. The past was the past, and my mouth wasn’t covered anymore.

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The Latest Social Media Tricks: What Works, What’s a Turnoff

Our panel of editors and social media experts will teach you what works and what doesn’t. There’s never enough time in a writer’s life. It can be overwhelming without tips and tricks for efficiency. Don’t waste valuable hours. We’ll cover ways to maximize your efforts with titles, tags, topics, keywords, SEO, naming images and how Google rankings work. Editors will tell you how and what to pitch.
HERE’S HOW TO REGISTER FOR #ASJA2016
Here are my as-of-now confirmed speakers for my Sat, May 21, 2-3:30pm panel at the #ASJA2016 annual conference:

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The Forward

Say No to the ‘C’
Interview with author Jennifer Margulis about the risks of Caesarean sections.

A Tour of Jewish China
Interview with Israeli entrepreneur Yael Farjun who runs a travel company in China.

A Journey of Recovery From Eating Disorders
Interview with comedian-actress Stacey Prussman who does outreach at campuses to help those suffering with eating disorders.

The Fix

Directing Sarah Silverman as an Addict
Interview with Adam Salky about the comedian-turned-dramatic-actress Sarah Silverman and his movie “I Smile Back” based on the novel by Amy Koppelman.

Rape, Trauma, PTSD and Bill Cosby
A personal essay about my own experience with rape and why women are terrified to tell.

Bob Zappa on Frank, Smokes and Addiction
An interview with Frank Zappa’s younger brother about Frank’s addiction to cigarettes, which led to designing the cover and copyediting his memoir “Frankie and Bobby: Growing Up Zappa.” and becoming dear friends with Bob and his wife Diane.

Meet the Remarkable Woman Who Is Saving Afghanistan’s Heroin Addicts
Since the fall of the Taliban, the production of opium has skyrocketed. Afghanistan produces 90 percent of the world’s supply and 11 percent of the population there are addicts. Laila Haidari, a former child bride, runs two addiction treatment centers and offers hope and healing to addicts in Kabul.

More 2015 Olds News

My New York Times Essay “Defriending My Rapist” became required reading for a course on Victimology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, CUNY

ASJA

I spoke on two panels at the 2015 American Society of Journalists and Authors (ASJA) annual writing conference. The sessions included “Secrets of Interviewing Famous People” and “Use Social Media to Land Writing Gigs and Make Money.” And I have been asked back for 2016! So excited. My panel will be on Sat., May 21, 2016 2-3:30 pm at the Roosevelt Hotel. For more info visit the website: ASJA.org.

Book Expo

Spoke for Susannah Greenberg on a UPublishU panel a BEA about writers promoting themselves on social media.

Celebrity Interviews and Photo Ops

And, of course, I interviewed a ton of celebrities, attended press events, and screened a gazillion movies during 2015. Some of the standouts were Robert de Niro, Julianne Moore, Glenn Close, Lily Tomlin, Laverne Cox, Kristen Stewart, Ben Kingsley, Sam Waterston, Lorraine Bracco, Kim Basinger, Patricia Clarkson, Alex Gibney, Edward James Olmos, Nancy Spielberg, Alicia Vikander, Oscar Isaac, Peter Sarsgaard, Amy Koppelman, Tim Blake Nelson, Shia LaBeouf, Nat Wolff, Paul Sorvino, Debi Mazar.

Websites

Created a bunch of new websites. Here are my faves:

Holly Rizzuto Palker
Juliana Neiman
Cheryl Morrison’s Docuclear

DOGS, DOGS, DOGS!
And let’s not forget the fantastic doggie fundraising events I photographed this year!!

Enjoy!!

And write to me on Facebook and tell me about your high points this year.

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