Featured ARTICLES and PERSONAL ESSAYS

• He Had AIDS and I Had Hepatitis C: A Love Story – Marie Claire
• Defriending My Rapist, The New York Times
• 9 Lives for a Weeble, New York Press, AWARD
• After Surviving Rape, I Had an Abortion at Age 14, Woman’s Day
• I Might Not Be Alive Today If It Weren’t for Obamacare, Woman’s Day

SEE ALSO: dorriolds.com/writing/

JOURNALISM

• How AI Changed My Life – TIME magazine
• What Do Those Pesky Cookie Preferences Really Mean, WIRED
• Mass Shooting Survivor Austin Eubanks Talks About Life After Columbine, UPDATE

BOOKS

My short stories and essays are published in 9 Book Anthologies

• City of New York’s Victimology Course Textbook
• My autobiographical short stories and artworks are published in eight book anthologies. I am also included in a ninth book: CUNY (City of New York) textbook for their Victimology course at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. My New York Times essay, “Defriending my Rapist,” was published in print and online and immediately went viral. That’s when my personal essay was added to the required reading lists. I was featured all over the web and in print. I became a sought after speaker for top universities, professional conferences. And I am a proud member of RAINN‘s Speaker Bureau.
• Essentials of Victimology, textbook for City of New York’s Victimology courses
• At Grandmother’s Table
• Power of the Positive
• Easy As A, B, C
• Creative People: What Makes Them Tick
• The Ultimate Christmas Oy, Come All Ye Faithful
• Chocolate Lover’s Soul – Skinny Dotty and Her Chocolates 
• Tea Lover’s Soul – Compassion and a Cannoli
• Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul

The post Featured Writing Samples appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

I worked as an art director and Bill was my boss. It was a small company that made litigation graphics. Major law firms hired us to provide their attorneys with eight-foot-high charts to display during trials. The lawyers would point like Vanna White to charts for the jury to see from 20 feet away.

I said, “Good morning, Bill.”

The three graphic designers I shared the room with and the four from an adjoining room gathered round Bill to launch the morning ritual of stomach-turning sucking up.

“Bill, you look terrific. Great color for you,” Alicia said.

“How was your weekend with the family upstate?” Leo asked.

Big David starts in about football, “Did you catch the game, Bill?”

I just couldn’t stand it anymore, so I grabbed a stack of folders and headed off to the copy machine with my design layouts. Bill came into the narrow room and leaned against the door frame.

“Busy copying?” he asked.

“Yup,” I responded to the painfully obvious question.

Bill walked over and stood way too close. Without warning he leaned in, reached his hand down and yanked the seat of my cotton stretch pants.

“Baggy pants,” he said disapprovingly.

I whirled around and blurted out, “Don’t touch my pants,” and scurried out of the room.

“Why are you always so militant?” he called out after me.

I winced. My arms burned, my stomach churned, and I was sweating. Once back at my desk, I began putting the copied pages into their corresponding job folders. ‘Damn,’ I thought. The whole reason I wore the baggy pants was so he’d stop staring at my ass.

Every day I went home and combed the want ads in the Times, but I couldn’t find anything even close. I was making good money as a designer, had excellent dental and medical benefits, profit sharing, three weeks paid vacation and 12 paid sick days.

It seemed like it would be idiotic to quit. We worked on exciting highly publicized cases like a John Gotti trial, the Central Park jogger case and the Exxon Valdez oil spill. In many ways I loved the job. The work was fun and challenging. My co-workers and I liked to talk about movies and books, and I adored my supervisor, Leo, who shared my kooky sense of humor. But Bill … Bill was a sexist pig and a bully.

Another day Bill slithered up beside me. He was a foot taller than me, so when he put his arm around me as if he was my buddy sliding a hand around my waist, his hand brushed up against and rested on the lower part of my right breast due to our height difference. I felt sure that this “accidental” fondling was intentional. I froze. I wanted to kick myself later for not calling him on it. This was a man who insisted we attend his office pool party every summer.

Bill had a large second home outside of the city. During my first pool party initiation he took me on a tour. Bill showed me the master bedroom and master bathroom. He pointed to the custom-made shower that had a ledge built in. He said, “That’s so my wife and I can do one of those things married people do.” He gestured with his hand to make it clear he was talking about a blow job. I was aghast. Every year after that I tried to figure out a way to skip the pool party. But the one time I did, he tortured me about it for a year.

One day my co-worker Sherri ran over to me, crying. She showed me her weekly time sheet, with a note in Bill’s handwriting. It said, “I’m very attracted to you.” Bill was 68 years old at the time. Sherri and I were both 26. He was married to his third wife. I felt like scrubbing the time sheet with hand wipes. “What should I do?” Sherri asked me, a worried look on her face.

I didn’t have the answer. For the past month I had been trying to organize the other six women at work to bond together so we could sue Bill for sexual harassment, or at least confront him. Not one of them would agree to help. I tried cajoling them. When that didn’t work I tried getting them as mad as I was, but they all seemed passive.

“How long do you want him to slither his hands across your boob when he’s pretending to hug you?” I asked. They accused me of being too dramatic. I accused them of being in denial.

Day after harassing day, Bill would walk up behind me as I sat at my desk. He would slide his huge meaty hands around my neck until his fingertips touched. It felt like a combination of him wanting to seduce me and strangle me. Each time it happened, I was rendered paralyzed and speechless. One day I’d had it and said, “Don’t touch me!”

That started an ongoing office humiliation that would last for the entire eight years I continued to work there. Bill would sneak up behind me, and he would start to put his hands around my neck but would stop less than an inch away. Then he would make sure that he had an audience and say in a mocking tone, “Oops! No touchy.” All of the brownnosers would give it a hearty laugh and the blood would rush up to my face and ears.

My friends and my feminist mom often demanded an explanation for why I wasn’t taking this man to court. Bill was brilliant; he knew a lot about the law, and he was rich and could afford much better lawyers than I could. I was afraid of being ripped apart on the stand as rape victims often are. I was reluctant to spend all of my meager savings on lawyers and afraid of being fired.

One day I returned from an approved day off. Bill blocked my way to my desk and used his deep, flirty voice, “Ms. Olds” — he always called me that — “please see me in my office immediately. And bring the layouts that are on your desk.” I did as he asked. He shut the door and said, “So, a day off? Are you in love?” I replied, “That’s not something I will discuss.”

He slammed his fist down onto his desk, lurched towards me and demanded, “Why are you so combative? We are a family around here.”

“Bill, I have a family. This is where I work. Let’s talk about the layouts.”

My friend Lorraine gave me an 11″ x 17″ sign that said “What part of NO don’t you understand?” She suggested that I put it on the bulletin board behind my desk. I did. I wanted to believe it would help, but only two co-workers ever mentioned it. Both were female.

Temps often worked the phones at the front desk. There was one large, sassy, redheaded Southern gal named Lucy. She pulled me aside one day, about three years after I had begun working at the firm, and said that I should know that the men doing the same job I was doing were paid more than I was. This was a tricky bit of information. How could I bring it up with Bill without betraying her confidence?

When I had been hired full-time, Bill had assured me that I would receive periodic raises “without even having to ask for them.” This had never occurred. I decided to muscle up some courage and go in for a talk.

“Bill,” I started, “are you pleased with my work?”

“Oh yes,” he said.

“Am I being paid on the same scale as the men?”

“Of course not,” he said.

Did I hear him correctly?

“Ms. Olds, David has a wife and two daughters to support, and mortgage on a house to worry about. It simply would not be fair to pay him the same amount as you.”

I was dumbfounded. Speechless.

The following week I received a raise. Very smarmy way to get a raise, but I was glad to deposit the money.
One day, without my knowledge, Bill took a photo of me. I was leaning over my desk, deep in concentration, working on graphics for a chart. I was wearing an appropriate V-neck top, but at that angle, a hint of cleavage appeared. He passed the snapshot, a zoomed-in view of my breast area, around the office.

Another incident happened while I had to fix chipped type on a chart in a hurry. I knelt down on the floor to quickly restore the chipped ‘H’ on the sign. Bill came through the doorway and said, “Ah, women – just how I like them, on their knees.”

I continued to look for a better job. I went on interviews. My father always warned me never to quit a job until I secured a better one. One November afternoon, Bill called me into his office and told me to close the door. He sat slumped, his brow was furrowed and the sides of his mouth were turned down. “As you know, business has been very slow this year. I am going to cut your salary by half. I’m sorry to give you this news, but I’ve always appreciated your loyalty and I know that you will stand by me during these tough times.” This came as a shock to me and so did my response: “In that case, Bill, I will not be working here any longer.”

It was as if I’d jumped out of a plane with no parachute and was in free fall. But the feeling was glorious and the risk paid off. I went into business for myself, which was terrifying at first. I had a mortgage to pay and monthly bills and feared using up the bit I’d managed to save. But within a month I got a full-time freelancing gig designing college textbooks and that year I made twice as much as I’d made working for Bill. I landed more and more creative jobs, web design and print work, and my writing took off.

It’s been years since I worked in an office. My desk is at home and my loyal dog likes my whistling. I make twice as much money and literally whistle while I work. And there is no longer a six-foot-four goon of a boss grabbing the back of my pants.

The post Fight or Be Fondled – Rising Above a Bully of a Boss appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

Enclave Reading series on Saturday night was standing room only. Held at Alan Cumming’s Club Cumming in Manhattan’s East Village, the joint was full of hot bodies and talent. As I looked around, it gave me a feeling “down there.” Okay, so I just shamelessly lifted that phrase from Joan Jett, which fits the Enclave’s theme—FRAYED IN NEW YORK—with a focus on the 70s, 80s and 90s. It’s a time I remember oh so well.

The Enclave Opener

“I was so fucking depressed last night,” emcee Brooks said, referring to another hell week with the GOP’s spoiled toddler. Not The Orange Swamp Thing, the other entitled white baby in a suit, Brett Kavanaugh, the sobbing, blubbering, self-pitying Supreme Court nominee.

Brooks got huge laughs with a funny bit about the Unabomber, and talked about the night before the Enclave reading.

“Friday night…I decided to drown my tears and indulge myself in a twink…the magic of an iPhone app is this guy shows up, 22, cute as fuck, and, you know, huge. He had a reckless quality which I find attractive in a twink.”

Unfortunately, the young hottie ruined the action in the middle of it by calling out, Daddy!

“Being called Daddy during sex,” said Brooks, “is the gay equivalent of finding a fly in your soup at a fancy restaurant. You go from, this is gonna be good, right? — to what the fuck?”

I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my seltzer.

Frayed in New York

Jeremiah Moss, the man behind the award-winning blog and book, VANISHING NEW YORK read about what’s gone. It was apt for me. As I’d ambled past Tompkins Square Park on the way to the club, the recurring stab of sadness got me in the gut. My native Manhattan looks nothing like it did and often feels like an empty town filled with ghosts

In the 80s, whenever I was hit with an emergency need for drugs at 3am, it was that park that beckoned, luring me toward Alphabet City. It was a suicide mission back then. Being an ex-junkie, though, it’s not surprising that my wasted ideas always made perfect sense. The coils of my head kick off a Pavlov’s dog-inspired rush of endorphins that leaves me drooling at memories from years of debauchery.

Moss at the Mic

Moss at the mic lamented his arrival to what he refers to as the end of New York City: 1993. He was 22 then. Moss read, “I was Harold and New York, my Maude.” He openly admits his bias and lack of objectivity in his signature prose. Self-deprecating words inspired laughs from the audience but the biggest howl came when he quoted reviewers: “The New York Times called me a curmudgeon with a penchant for apocalyptic bombast” and “The Daily News dubbed me a fetishist for filth.”

Lara IS Sharp

DO THE HUSTLE is Lara B. Sharp’s memoir-in progress. It’s about being raised in New York City’s foster care system and her exploits as a crustie and grifter. She chose a chapter that is set in 1984 and appropriately titled Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves. “A crustie,” Sharp explained, “is a homeless runaway, living on the streets of downtown Manhattan.”

Sharp as a Whipped Crustie

The author opens by telling the audience a little background info.

“I was 14 years old and I ran away from foster care. I’m just kind of living in Washington Square Park because that was a done thing then…My mom was an alcoholic and a drug addict…but [she was] awesome because she taught me everything I needed to know. She taught me how to lie, cheat, and steal.”

In addition to writing, Sharp has performed in a number of theater productions, including Penny Arcade’s original production of the Sex and Censorship Show, BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! Sharp’s author reading was a performance piece because she’s charismatic and naturally theatrical.

She nailed the accents for the scene’s two characters. One voice is Sharp at age 14. The other is “Gay Cher.” He is her new kinda-sorta mentor who tells the young Sharp that he can easily make her look 18 if she steals beauty products from Duane Reade. The motivation behind wanting to look older, was practical. She wanted to find a job.

Sharp reads in Gay Cher’s midwestern accent: “I’m the most beautiful, half-Mexican faggot boy ever to escape Kansas. I looked like a fat old milk cow, but not no more. And, honey, I can fix you up. I mean, you’re a mess. But, I have talents. No offense but your white eyelashes are disgusting.”

Huge laughs from the crowd.

Then, narrating in her younger self’s voice: “He scratches his left arm making the needle sores bleed. He rubs the blood into his stone wash cut-offs…. He yanks my scrunchie and runs his dirty fingernails through my long blonde hair, pulling at the matted sections.”

I quit drinking, drugging and smoking, but I can’t get enough of Sharp’s writing. Saturday night’s performance proved that I’m addicted to her prose.

Barb Morrison

I chatted with Barb Morrison. Yes, THE Barb Morrison—recording artist, hit songwriter, platinum and gold records producer. Morrison has played with Blondie, The Runaways, Johnny Thunders and plenty more biggies. Morrison’s pronoun is they. They told me they grew up in the East Village and Chelsea after arriving here at 17. They came to the city after a childhood in Albany.

“Did you runaway?” I asked (spontaneously) because I had. At 15, I moved into the Hotel Earle on Waverly (now, Washington Square Hotel). It was only one block from the park I’d fallen in love with. I found it romantic that Joan Baez sang about Bob Dylan smiling out of the window of that crummy hotel over Washington Square.

“Yeah, I ran away many times,” Morrison said. They laughed. “I disappeared into the city. You’ll hear all about it when I read.”

Reading from a memoir-in-progress, Morrison talked about being a squatter and a musician on her way up and joining a band called The Loveless. “I tried out a few bands but none of them fit the way this gang of misfit rebels fit me…. I wanted to get in bar brawls with my guys and wake up the next morning not knowing which bruise was for what reason.”

The band had their first show at the underground Lismar Lounge. “You had to enter through one of those gates in the sidewalk that went down into a basement. Most of the bands on the Lower East Side couldn’t play worth shit and we actually had some good songs, so we instantly gained a following the night of our first gig. I remember pushing our amps up First Avenue after that show. Someone rode past in a cab and yelled “LUHHHHHVVVV LESSSSSSSSSS!” at us. We were too broke to take a cab but we felt like the most famous rockstars on the planet that night.”

Christopher Stoddard

Author Christopher Stoddard read from his new book (AT NIGHT ONLY). His words were about the universal feeling of yearning for an ex to come back and convincing yourself that just by wanting it, you can make it so. Max, his dog, is also an important character in the chapter.

“I’m wondering what he’s doing right now….He didn’t text from Montreal to let me know he landed safely—like he did when we were still in a relationship.” Then he describes pulling out his iPhone to contact his ex. The foreshadowing makes it clear that is always a bad, bad, bad idea. Stoddard’s voice is easy to listen to and, yes, his was one of the hot bodies I had referred to in my second sentence of this recap.

Pedro J. Rosado, Jr., actor, dancer and stage manager. He stage-managed Penny Arcade’s BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! at Performance Space New York. He can be seen in Joan Moossy’s MISS MOOSSY’S NEIGHBORHOOD MYSTERIES on YouTube singing “It’s Important to be Friendly.”

Despite a packed room, Alissa Brianna, the solo bartender for the evening, breezed through the night and looked calm and poised amidst the madness. She banged out those drinks—which I was told were fantastique!

Also in Attendance:

Elizabeth Wurtzel, celebrated author of  PROZAC NATION and BITCH: IN PRAISE OF DIFFICULT WOMEN
(the lyrics are awesome!)
He may be a middle-aged white heterosexual man/But he’s friendly/He’s not an ageist, sexist, racist, homophobic pig/He’s friendly.
Be like him/ Be friendly.

Lauren Pine, downtown debutante and horse lover, as in horse trainer and horseback rider, not to be confused with old slang for heroin. Glad we cleared that up. Pine, Morrison and Sharp are alumnae of the Don Hill’s Thursday night Squeezebox Parties and have known each other for 30 years.

Melody Jane, danced in Penny Arcade‘s 2018 BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! at Performance Space New York

Elizabeth Collins, writer and comedian (RAISED BY GAYS AND TURNED OUT OK!)

Clayre Saxon Morrison, British fashion stylist and photographer

Steve Zehentner, stage designer and sound designer who has collaborated with theater artist, writer and performer Penny Arcade for 30 years. One of their collaborations was the Lower East Side Biography Project. If you’ve never experienced it, I recommend clicking on that link.

Gavin Van Vlack, guitar, bass and vocals and member of the bands Canonized and Burn

Liza Béar, artist, photographer, writer, filmmaker

Albie Mitchell, well-known downtown photographer who documented the East Village for over 40 years, and worked for the Village Voice and for the original production of Penny Arcade’s BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! at PS122 and the Village Gate.

Jenny Gorman, practicing fine art and photography in New York City and the Hamptons for over 25 years.

Cid Scantlebury artist and musician. Cid was an original Bitch from the Don Hill’s ‘ladies metal’ night of that name, a Loser’s Lounge singer, and she sings at F*Bomb NYC shows several times a year.

Sean Harris, artist, whose works in paper collage and mixed media can be viewed on Instagram @seansheengram.

AUTHOR BIOS

JEREMIAH MOSS, creator of the award-winning blog Vanishing New York, is the pen name of Griffin Hansbury. His writing on the city has appeared in the New York Times, the New York Daily News, and online for The New Yorker and The Paris Review. As Hansbury, he is the author of THE NOSTALGIST a novel, and works as a psychoanalyst in private practice in New York City

LARA B. SHARP‘s writing has appeared in various print and online publications, including Longreads and Teen Vogue. A native New Yorker, she has also written for and performed in a number of national and international theatre productions and live storytelling events in New York City, London, and Philadelphia. She was an original member of Penny Arcade’s BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE! in the early 90s and toured with Penny Arcade. Sharp earned her BA from Smith College, where she was an Ada Comstock fellow, and is working on a memoir about her childhood in the New York foster care system.

BARB MORRISON is a musician and producer who uses music as a platform of advocacy for the transgender community. A regular performer at The Ritz and CBGB’s, they were the saxophonist, guitarist and singer for the bands Gutterboy and Itchy Trigger Finger, which were signed to Mecury Records and toured with Lollapalooza in 1999. Barb has co-written and produced songs for artists such as Blondie, Rufus Wainwright, LP, and Franz Ferdinand. They also wrote the scores for films, including The Safety of Objects (2000), which starred Glenn Close. Their writing has appeared in various publications, such as the New York Times and The Good Men Project. Currently, they are at work on their memoir.

CHRISTOPHER STODDARD’s new novel At Night Only from Itna Press released this June, which has been praised by The Paris Review, Kirkus, Slate, Lambda Literary, and authors Edmund White and Gary Indiana. Featured in OUT Magazine’s “Tastemakers” issue in 2015 for his contributions to literature and publishing, he’s written two other novels: Limiters (Itna Press, 2014), and White, Christian (Spuyten Duyvil, 2010). He lives in Brooklyn, New York.

—

To learn more about The Enclave Reading Series, visit theenclavereadingseries.tumblr.com or follow on Facebook and Instagram.

For more info on events at Club Cumming, visit clubcummingnyc.com or follow on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

—

Dorri Olds is an award-winning freelance writer whose work has appeared in book anthologies, and publications including The New York Times, Marie Claire, Woman’s Day, Time Out New York, The Fix, The Forward, Yahoo, and Tablet. Visit her YouTube channel and see other works she’s done for Honeysuckle here.

The post Enclave Reading Series ‘FRAYED IN NEW YORK’ at Actor Alan Cumming’s Club Cumming appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

Love to write? Do you dream of leaving your office job for a full-time freelance writing career? Being a writer makes use of your creative side while keeping your mind sharp with challenges. There’s pride in making use of your problem-solving skills. Working for yourself can be the answer to hating a job riddled with office politics, gossip and cloying managers and there’s nothing worse than a helicopter boss hovering by your desk and just making you want to scream.

Don’t believe people who say it’s impossible to make a living as a freelance writer. Find freelance writers who support themselves. If they make enough money to pay their bills and add to their savings account, then why can’t you? The answer is you can.

A writer with a few steady “anchor clients,” can stop sweating over finances and get back to the enjoyment of writing.

As with any career, the joy can fizzle but that is always a choice left up to your expectations and attitude. Celebrity sports players can grow tired of the game. The passion they had at the beginning can be lost over time. That’s when they may feel trapped and resent their careers. We have all seen many stars who had it all but their lives spiral into depression anyway. Sports players, actors, musicians and yes, writers, can prevent burnout from happening by structuring their lives to say no to any gigs that are a bad fit for them.

Types of Writing Careers

Writing is a huge field with a wide variety of options. Sticking with the sports analogy, don’t choose baseball if you want to play tennis. According to Vin D’Eletto Jr. from his WordAgents Reviews, “the two most common types of writer that you might think of could be a novelist and a journalist.” But there is a variety of other job choices for writers that include ghostwriters, speech writers, scriptwriters, technical writers, freelance agency writers, and copywriters.”

The skills that you need for these jobs can vary wildly from sales and marketing experience to legal expertise to comedic talent. It is rare for one person to be skilled enough or capable of freelancing in all of these diverse areas of writing.

Freelance vs. Employed

Every working writer is faced with the choice of becoming freelance or employed. As an employee, you have the comfort and safety of a steady paycheck, employee benefits, and consistent work but you’re also limited by company guidelines and the preferences of an editor.

As a Freelancer You Can…

• Enjoy more freedom
• Pick and choose the work you want
• Take time off when you need a break.

But you don’t want to be forced to ‘kill what you eat,’ meaning work harder or starve.

How to Make a Freelance Writing Career Worthwhile

Despite the rewards, many people leave the writing industry. Why?

Here are the most common reasons:

• They chose roles that didn’t match their, skills, goals and personality
• They never learned how to write a strong pitch
• They did not meet deadlines
• They had not taken even one course to hone their writing skills.
• They were difficult to work with—argumentative, defensive, unprofessional
• They handed in work that was filled with spelling and grammatical errors
• They had no understanding of SEO and did not make use of keywords
• They didn’t follow instructions

Daydreaming about life as a freelance novelist is not the same as the realities you will face as a freelancer. Writing from your experiences and crafting a book that will inspire emotions in your readers is a worthy goal but a tough road. To make enough money to live on—and especially if you wish to start a family, settle down, and have leisure time. For a secure income, working as an employee is a much better bet than sitting at home writing a novel that may never sell.

To make a career in writing worthwhile, you must find a better way than just kicking a can down the road, while you imagine a romanticized version of a writer’s life. To grab the reigns and succeed with a money-making freelance career, you need to think critically about what you want and what your skills are. Then you can make an educated choice on the type of writing role that’s right for you. Google the types of freelance writing that provide ongoing gigs. Maybe you’ll choose to pursue content marketing, ghost writing, editing, ghost editing, journalism for industries that have an ongoing need for writers. Think: science, finance, health, parenting, tech, or any topic that interests you. The list is almost endless.

That is the how for finding the path to steady work that is fulfilling and helps you go about the business of finding joy in your life.

The post How to Quit Your Job and Write for a Living appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

Register Now to Save!

To learn more about the Conference and How to Join
click here

This year’s New York City conference will be held at the
Sheraton Times Square Hotel
811 7th Avenue at West 53rd Street, New York City.

I owe so much of my full-time freelance writing career to ASJA

Conference Schedule • Friday, May 18 • Members-Only Day

Conference Schedule • Saturday, May 19 • Open to the Public

KEYNOTE SPEAKERS

CONFERENCE TRACK CHAIRS

• Aimee Ross
Aimee Ross is the author of Permanent Marker: A Memoir (KiCam Projects, March 2018). She worked as a Regional Educator in the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum for ten years. In addition, she is a nationally award-winning educator who has been a high school English teacher for the past twenty-five years. @AimeeRoss
• Daniel Jones
Daniel Jones has edited the Modern Love column in the Sunday Styles section of the New York Times since its inception in 2004. His books include “Love Illuminated,” two essay anthologies—“Modern Love” and “The Bastard on the Couch”—and the novel “After Lucy,” which was a finalist for the Barnes & Noble Discover Award. Jones appears weekly on the Modern Love Podcast, which had 20 million downloads in its first year. Jones has appeared on NBC’s Today Show, CBS This Morning, ABC News, CNN and NPR. His writing can also be found in The Times, Elle, Harper’s Bazaar and elsewhere. @DanielJones
• Katherine Reynolds Lewis
Katherine Reynolds Lewis is an award-winning independent journalist, author and speaker. Her book, The Good News About Bad Behavior (PublicAffairs, April 2018), grew out of her school discipline story for Mother Jones that became the magazine’s most-read piece. Katherine contributes to The Atlantic, Fortune, Washington Post and more.

TRACK CHAIRS

The conference theme is based on the three tracks:

Navigate (Beginner). Motivate (Intermediate). Captivate (Advanced).

• Carolyn Crist
Beginning Track Manager and Detailed Overseer @CarolynCrist

• Nancy Dunham
Mid-Career Track Manager and Volunteer Coordinator. @NancyDunham

• Dorri Olds
Advanced Track Chair and Social Media Maven @DorriOlds

Stay tuned for more info about #ASJA2018! Hope to see you there!

The post What to Expect at #ASJA2018 Writers Conference • May 18–19, 2018 • New York City appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

How to Accept a Compliment with Grace

Getting a compliment is good for you. Science has proven that people perform tasks better, have improved memory, and feel happy after being complimented.

What many of us don’t know is how to accept a compliment gracefully.

If you’re getting such a nice boost, why is it so hard?

A couple of frustrating reasons have come to light in psychological circles.

1. Your view of yourself doesn’t line up with the compliment. Put another way, you could lack the confidence to accept the compliment comfortably.
2. You totally agree with the compliment, but don’t want put the other person off by seeming TOO confident.

Every human being on earth has likely felt both of these ways, depending on the subject matter of the compliment. At any given moment I feel good about some aspects of myself, and shaky about others. But either way, the compliment can cause me to feel uncomfortable!

I want that to end.

Compliments have too much going to for them to cause angst.

To help me formulate a plan for accepting compliments graciously, I reached out to a number of women I look up to, and asked for the word-for-word scripts they use to make compliment acceptance a breeze.

How to Accept a Compliment

Go Minimal

By Dr. Jessica Vogelsang, Founder of PawCurious

The more I try to respond or fill the space, the more I end up sticking my foot in my mouth.

The Script: I make a very conscientious effort to look the person in the eye, give them a heartfelt “Thank you. I really appreciate that!” and then stop talking.

Return the Favor

By: Lavanya Sunkara, Travel Writer

It’s all about reciprocity for me.

The Script: When others give me compliments, I usually say, “Thanks,” and if I have something to compliment them about, I will try to do so.

Enjoy the High

By Kaia Roman, author of The Joy Plan

I used to have a hard time receiving a compliment, always minimizing or deflecting because I felt self-conscious and undeserving. But then I learned about the physical mechanisms behind both giving and receiving compliments and I changed my ways. Compliments release dopamine in the brain, for both the giver and the receiver. And dopamine feels like a pleasure rush that is highly enjoyable!

If I didn’t let myself truly receive the compliment, I’d be missing out on this drug-free high.

Likewise, if I minimized the compliment from the giver, I’d be taking away their joy by turning an appreciative exchange into an awkward one. So now, when someone gives me a compliment, I think about the benefit they are receiving from that act of kindness and I do my best to amp up the effect so they’ll do it again for someone else. The world needs as many compliments as we can give!

The Script: “Thank you, that made my day.” or “Thank you, that was so nice of you to notice.”

I smile and let the dopamine soak in for both of us.

Go for Seconds

By Dorri Olds, Freelance Writer and Journalist

I was the youngest of three girls and was born a ham. I love attention—thrive on it really. So I’ve never been one to shy away from any limelight I can grab.

The Script: When somebody gives me a compliment I grin ear-to-ear and say, “Thank you!” I figure that’s like positive reinforcement. If their compliment is met with an enthusiastic response, then they will be more likely to compliment me again, right?

Take a Pause

By Jessica Remitz, Managing Editor, PawCulture.com

I am working on taking a beat to curb my knee-jerk “aw shucks” reaction. A friend of mine told me that she’d almost stopped complimenting other women because we’re so quick to brush them off, almost to the point of embarrassment. so I think it’s important to acknowledge to the other person on how nice a compliment is to hear—because it truly is.

The Script: I have begun looking directly at my complimenter (in a not creepy or adversarial way) and saying, “Thank you for noticing my [item of clothing/well-behaved dog/completed work project]. I appreciate you saying something, and worked hard to [find said item/raise a polite dog/go above and beyond].”

Split the Difference

By Talia Argondezzi, Director, Writing and Speaking Program at Ursinus College

In the case where accepting a compliment feels very unnatural, and almost impossible to do, it can be rude and awkward to just deny the praise you were given. Instead, take a baby step and challenge yourself by trying to split the difference. For instance, you might  accept what was said, but then make a funny remark, or even self-deprecating one, but only on something you DO feel confident about.

The Script:

“I like your glasses.”

“Thank you. Like Rick Perry, I’m trying to wear my glasses more so people will think I’m smart.”

Keep It Simple

By Victoria Schade, Dog Trainer and Author

Since directly turning down a compliment can be a way of telling a person, “Nope, you’re wrong about that,” I try to accept it gracefully and then move on.

The Script: “Thank you, it’s my favorite scarf/blouse/shoes/whatever!” is an easy way to acknowledge the person’s compliment, or “That’s so kind of you to say,” or if someone compliments my writing I might respond with, “Thank you, that means a lot!”

Look Forward

By Aly Semigran, Writer and Editor

I had a recent experience with this with someone saying, “You deserve a good guy.” It was a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile and I caught them up with my most recent terrible dating experience and they told me, sincerely, “You deserve a good guy.”

The Script: I responded with, “Thank you. It’s taken me a long time to realize that.”

I didn’t bitch and moan “Oh there’s no good guys out there,” rather I acknowledged they saw something in me that’s taken me 32 years to accept. I think it’s rare to tell someone you agree with them about a positive side of yourself, but I think in this case, especially because so much time had passed, it caught us up on where I am now.

BONUS SECTION!

On Giving Compliments

By Cheyenne Gil, Body Positive Boudoir Photographer

When it comes to GIVING compliments (which I also think is a great step in your self love journey), give a compliment that you truly mean, and give it without putting yourself down in the process.

The Script: For instance, say you love someone’s hair. All you have to say is, “Wow, I love your hair! It’s beautiful,” NOT, “Wow, I love your hair! It’s so beautiful! My hair is so blah. I need to change it. But your hair is just so nice!”

Now that you know exactly what to say, check out:
How to Get a Compliment Tomorrow, The Level-Up Method

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Saturday, May 6 • Day 2

I will be on two panels this year at the American Society of Journalists and Authors (ASJA) annual writers conference. The first is on Friday, May 5 at 2:45. Its topic is “Using Smartphones To Tell Stories.” My second panel will be on Saturday, May 6. It’s titled “Tackling Tough Topics.”

ALSO SEE MY FRIDAY, MAY 5 PANEL: “USING SMART PHONES TO TELL STORIES”

In this workshop, moderated by ASJA member Candy Arrington with panelists Dorri Olds, Rudri Patel and Sharon Van Epps, writers will learn methods to craft tough topics through the power of story. We will be providing practical suggestions for coping and moving forward, and writing with a level of transparency that touches hearts and inspires hope.

Though many writers feel compelled to write about a difficult life circumstance, loss, or grief, it’s important to know how to structure content, what to include and what to omit. In writing tough topics, you have the opportunity to reach those who are hurting, feel alienated and alone, and are searching for ways to heal their pain. No matter what the situation, there are common threads that reach across gender, cultural, and ethical barriers to foster hope and healing.

The post ASJA Writers Conference ‘Tackling Tough Topics’ appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

“Using Smartphones To Tell Stories”

• Editing
• Uploading to outlets from the field
• What gear to get
• Best editing apps
• Voice over narrations
• Downloading the video to your desktop

ALSO SEE MY SATURDAY, MAY 6 PANEL: “TACKLING TOUGH TOPICS”

The post American Society of Journalists and Authors Writers Conference in May appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

DIRECTIONS

C train to Chambers, Transfer to 2 train (Flatbush Ave/Brooklyn College), Take 2 to Grand Army Plaza and walk .2 miles (hop, skip and a jump). Head northeast on Plaza St. East. Turn left onto Vanderbilt Ave. and VOILA! You’re there. Other options: Path Train, or L to Q train. Takes 35-ish minutes.

SPEAKERS

Leigh Stein

Leigh Stein is the author of The Fallback Plan, which made the “highbrow brilliant” quadrant of New York magazine’s “Approval Matrix,” and her poetry collection Dispatch from the Future was selected for Publishers Weekly‘s Best Summer Books of 2012 list, and the Rumpus Poetry Book Club. Land of Enchantment, her memoir about young love, obsession, abuse, and loss, was recently released by Plume, and was selected by Junior Library Guild as an adult book with teen appeal. She has also written for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Allure, Poets & Writers, BuzzFeed, The Cut, Salon, and Slate. For her advocacy work, Stein has been called a “leading feminist” by the Washington Post, and honored as a “woman of influence” by New York Business Journal.

Court Stroud

Court Stroud works in the digital space after spending many years in the television industry. Stroud holds undergraduate degrees from the University of Texas at Austin and an MBA from the Harvard Business School. His writing has appeared in the New York Post, Huffington Post, Out, The Advocate, Instinct, Gay City News, and many other publications. Stroud resides in NYC’s Chelsea neighborhood with comic Eddie Sarfaty and their two cats, Dash and Julia.

Dorri Olds

Dorri Olds is an award-winning freelance writer whose work has appeared in book anthologies, and publications including The New York Times, Marie Claire, Woman’s Day, Time Out New York, The Fix, The Forward, Yahoo, and Tablet. Olds is a long-term member of the American Society of Journalists & Authors (ASJA) and frequent speaker at writing and social media events including ASJA Annual Conference, National Publicity Summit, CUNY (City University of New York), Book Expo America, and a BinderCon attendee.

Andy Marino

Andy Marino is a Brooklyn native and professional musician. He’s played sax and sung background vocals in R&B, Blues, Rock & Big Bands in such venues as SOB’s, Damrosch Park @ Lincoln Center, Brooklyn’s Prospect Park Bandshell (Welcome Back to Brooklyn Festival), The Bitter End, The Limelight, Tramps, Manny’s Car Wash, the Waldorf Astoria Hotel, two Elvis Impersonators’ bands &, yes, a few wedding bands. Touched by life events from the tragic, premature deaths of his two younger brothers, George & Nick; his two beloved children, Dom & Gina, having to move to the west coast after the divorce from his first wife; to finding the love of his life, Dianne, at age 49; Andy finds songwriting to be healing, joyful & surprising. Sometimes, he wakes up in the middle of the night hearing the music for an entire song and runs to record it on his iPhone.

The post Sweet Reads presents Leigh Stein, Court Stroud, Dorri Olds and Andy Marino appeared first on Award-Winning Writer and Graphic Designer.

• All Digitocracy
• AXS
• Brain, Child
• Honeysuckle
• Marie Claire
• Meat for Tea
• Sniff & Barkens
• Suburban Life
• Tablet
• Time Out New York
• The Establishment
• The Fix
• The Forward
• Woman’s Day

Not bad, eh? Let’s all raise the bar in 2017. I’m game. In other news, I stepped down from web design to keep writing full-time without having to lose sleep to keep up, I’ve been cured of Hepatitis C thanks to Obamacare, and deepened existing friendships while welcoming new ones. To stay positive in a year with a terrifying political landscape, I have begun a gratitude jar. I write something good that happened on a piece of paper on every single day and drop it into the jar. At the end of the year, I will be able to see 365 days with happiness in them — no matter what happens in the world at large.

And now, I must get back to work. I am adding the final touches to my 124th article for the The Fix, the largest addiction and recovery website. Thank you to my amazing writing mentor Susan Shapiro, American Society of Journalists & Authors, the amazing and supportive members in my weekly writing workshop, my wonderful editors and clients, and all of the amazing women in my private Facebook writing groups.

Here’s to a year of “YES”!

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